Friday, 15 June 2007

Funny email

This is a funny email I got today so had to share
I think we've all been here....

When you have to visit a public loo there is invariably a line of women,
You smile politely and take your place, it finally gets to your
turn, you check for feet under the cubicle doors. Every one is
occupied.....but eventually a door opens and you dash in, nearly
knocking down the woman leaving the cubicle.

You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has
been so long you are about to wet your knickers!!! The
dispenser for the modern "seat covers" is handy, but empty. You would
hang your handbag on a door hook, if there was one, but
there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck,
yank down your knickers, and assume " The Position."

In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake.
You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe
the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Position."

To take your mind off your trembling thighs for a moment when you reach
For horror or horrors an empty toilet paper dispenser.
Your thighs start to shake more. You remember the tiny tissue that you
Blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your
handbag which is now burning your neck & shoulders with the weight. So
you contort your arm into a very unnatural position and
start to fumble around in the deep dark depths of your handbag for that
small crumpled 'used' tissue no bigger than your thumbnail.

Someone pushes your door and because the latch doesn't work it hits your
head which is bent over from holding the hanging
handbag, and you start to topple backward. "Occupied!" you scream, as
you reach for the door and drop the precious, tiny,
crumpled tissue you had only just retrieved with your index finger into
an unknown puddle on the floor.......if that isn't enough
you lose your balance altogether and gravity pulls you down ......down
..... directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet, of course, you
bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late.

Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ & life form
that lives on the uncovered seat. By this time, the
automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it
flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose into the bowl
which sprays a fine mist of water that covers your bum and runs down
your legs along with the various life forms and down into your dishevelled
knickers which have now dropped down to your ankles. The flush somehow
sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet
paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.

At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the
Wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe yourself
with a piece of gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out
inconspicuously to the sinks. You can't figure out how to
operate the taps [new obviously from's whatever],
so you run your hands underneath it grateful for the 2
drops there, then around the basin itself. You go to the towel dispenser
past the line of women still waiting, where of course there
are no paper towels so you move over to the hand blower, which, yes
you've guessed it, also doesn't work.

You are no longer able to smile politely to the women, but there is an
unspoken understanding between you all. A kind soul at the
very end of the line points out that you have a piece of toilet paper
trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED
it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plonk it in the woman's hand
and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this."

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and
Left the Men's. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so
long, and why is your handbag hanging around your neck?"

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with public loo's. It
Also finally explains to the men what really does take us so long
and also answers their other commonly asked question about why women go
to the loo in pairs. It's so the other one can hold the
door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door!


Ladies if you are good looking please free to use the Gents as there will always be a helping hand.

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